


Autoclave

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Carlos is a Good husband, Cecil is a Good Husband, Hurt/Comfort, It Devours! spoilers, M/M, they're really good good husbands that love and support each other a lot!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 10:18:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13121688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: Ten years is a long, long time. It's hard for a person to hide the kind of toll that much time, weird or not, takes on them. Besides, Carlos is a scientist. Honest is the seventh thing a scientist needs to be.





	Autoclave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [logicalDemoness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/logicalDemoness/gifts).



> A Christmas present for the lovely and awesome logicalDemonness, a wonderful friend and writer! She mentioned that since Dylan has said Carlos is really bad at lying, Cecil probably already knew Carlos spent a long time in the desert otherworld, and that was a VERY good idea that made for a fic that was VERY fun to write! Fun in that it ended up being super exposition-heavy, probably one of the, if not the most, exposition-heavy things I've ever written! It was neat tackling with writing so much dialogue while keeping it all in-character while analyzing them at the same time so that it was in-character. I've never really done something quite like this before, and I had a lot of fun working on it! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
> 
> Also, I know I'm a few days late with Hannukah, but I wanted to write a tiny bit about them celebrating it...they're good dorks. <3
> 
> Happy holidays everyone!

Something was wrong.

Cecil came home to Carlos pacing around in the living room, biting his inner lip and flapping his hands nervously. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to get home at the end of a long day and see his husband’s beautiful smile and listen to Carlos’ mellifluous voice talk about all the science he experienced that day. Really, just seeing Carlos at the end of the day, no matter how either of their day went, was what made coming home from work a happy experience for Cecil. It wasn’t about whether or not he was happy. It was about coming home to someone else and sharing a relationship and a home and an evening with them. Sometimes, sharing a relationship meant one person, or two people, being worn out and upset, and that was okay. And that was why coming home, to an obviously concerned Carlos didn’t bother Cecil, though it did make him worry.

“I’m so sorry I’m home late, Carlos. Intern Priya still hadn’t come back from investigating the houses moving slowly towards the sand wastes, and _someone_ had to do the filing. Are you doing alright? You look nervous. I’m so sorry if I made you worry, I would’ve called and let you know but my phone grew legs earlier today and lost its battery power trying to run. I’m such a fossil, I still can’t figure out how you’re supposed to charge these things when they have legs. Janice keeps telling me how, but, you know, so much techno-talk, I can’t really remember most of what she says.”

Carlos didn’t answer. He kept pacing around the living room, clearly very lost in thought. Cecil unclipped his work fanny pack and sat down on the couch, not sure if he should leave the room and give Carlos space or stay in case there was something Carlos wanted to talk about. Carlos continued pacing and flapping his hands for a few moments, before turning to Cecil, sweat on his forehead and eyes wide open. Cecil’s face softened, but he said nothing. Cecil felt Carlos’ clammy hands work their way into his, and felt them remain there for some time. When Carlos pulled his hands away, he turned around, and sat down next to Cecil, averting his eyes. Cecil noticed Carlos shaking, and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Cecil frowned. He wanted to hug Carlos, keep him close, kiss him deeply, but he had a feeling that wasn’t something Carlos wanted in that moment.

“Carlos, bunny, are you...are you okay?”

“No. No, I’m not, Cecil.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Is it...is it really bad? When I got home it looked like you were panicking, and I...I’m sorry, I really should have called. I didn’t mean to make you so upset.”

“It’s not that. Being home from work late just means you really care about your job. I love that. I love you. It’s something else.”

“Oh.”

Cecil put his lips together. He wasn’t sure what was wrong, but his mind and his anxiety could come up with a myriad of reasons for what was bothering Carlos. He didn’t want to bombarde Carlos with the kind of reasons he was coming up with, and kept those undulating fears to himself. Carlos, however, had a feeling that Cecil might worry about the things he typically started worrying about when he knew something was up.

“I promise, honey, it’s not you. And--and it’s okay. I’m not dying, or nonexistent. Actually, um, the problem is sort of the opposite of that. Or at least, that is a part of the problem. This problem has many, many parts.”

“Many parts? Carlos...Carlos, what’s wrong?”

Carlos exhaled, and looked at Cecil with a lot of pain in his eyes. He inched towards Cecil, increments adding up until he was sitting next to Cecil with his head on his shoulder. A lot of the time, for Carlos, feeling the presence of Cecil helped considerably in easing the things he worried about. He stayed in that position for some time, feeling Cecil right next to him and knowing what he was about to say would have an impact on how Cecil felt, and with every realization of that fact, feeling his stomach contort into more knots.

Eventually, he decided that prolonging talking to Cecil wouldn’t fix anything. It only had the potential to make things worse, really. He took a deep breath, and took his head off of Cecil’s shoulder so he could look at his husband directly.

“Cecil?”

“Carlos?”

“I was...I was thinking about what you said, this morning, about how you always know I am being honest. About how it can be hard to read people sometimes, for you, and how you are grateful to be married to someone who you know with all your heart is telling the truth. Cecil, there is something I have not told you about what happened, while I was gone in the desert otherworld, and I think I need to finally tell you.”

“Tell me what? Carlos, is this about...you know. Is it about him? I swear Carlos if it is I will go back into that desert otherworld and I will _decimate him_.”

“He is a part of it, but...I have told you about the things he has done. There is something else I have not told you, though. I remember you said a few weird months ago you felt there was something about the desert otherworld I was not telling you, and you were not wrong. I have only told Nilanjana about all of it, and for a long time I did not want to tell you, because I felt that you went through enough at that time, and you did not need the facts I am about to tell you on top of that. But, Cecil, not telling you...it hurts. It hurts a lot. Because I don’t want you to feel like there is something really important that I am not telling you. And because I love you, and I feel like honesty is an important part in loving someone, and...I don’t like being dishonest.”

“Okay...what is it, Carlos? What happened?”

What I have not told you is how long I was there, in the desert otherworld. Cecil, I was there for a long time. A really, really long time. Time is very weird in Night Vale, but I found that the desert otherworld and time have an even weirder relationship with time than Night Vale. That is a part of why I found it so scientifically interesting, and maybe it contributed to why I stayed there for the amount of time I did. But, Cecil, when I say that time there is weird, is truly is. I said I was there for a year, but...”

Carlos grew quiet. He pulled away from Cecil, and buried his head in his hands, growing tenser by the second. As time weirdly ticked by, Cecil noticed just how much Carlos was restraining tears. Carlos wasn’t sure how to continue. He knew what he needed to say. He knew exactly what he needed to say. But he had no idea how to say it, and how to say it in a way that wouldn’t leave Cecil, in some way, upset. The thought of making him feel badly...it was enough to make him sick with worry. He loved Cecil. And he knew that Cecil had been through so, so much. The last thing he wanted to do was cause him more pain.

It was a while until Carlos felt Cecil’s hand on his shoulder. When Carlos noticed, he looked at Cecil, starting to fail at holding back tears and trembling. Surprisingly, he didn’t see any anxiety in Cecil’s expression. He saw only compassion. The look of a man who understood and loved him through and through. Carlos swallowed, and put his hand on Cecil’s, squeezing it. They stayed in that positions, silent, for a few moments. It was Cecil who broke that silence, taking a deep breath and squeezing Carlos’ hand back.

“But you were there for a lot longer than a year, right?”

Carlos was hit by a lot of emotions at once, though the most predominant feeling he felt was being absolutely flummoxed. He looked at Cecil, his brow furrowed and his head turned to one side trying to wrap his head around the fact that Cecil knew. His heart was racing, and Carlos wasn’t entirely sure why. It could’ve been all of that built up anxiety burning out, or it could’ve just been how hard the surprise of the situation hit him. He stared at Cecil with his mouth hanging open for a few moments, unsure what to do or say. Should he be relieved? Should he be upset? And what should he even say to Cecil in either of those circumstances? He had an idea for what he should do in the likely event that Cecil would rightfully very distraught, but...what should he do knowing that Cecil already knew. He looked at Cecil, his breathing shaky, his eyes wide open. When he found himself able to put things together, he closed his eyes, and turned away from Cecil. He didn’t want to see Cecil get upset while he was talking.  

“Y-yes...yes, I was. I was there for a long time, Cecil. Much longer than one year. I was there for _ten_ years. Time works very oddly there. Cecil, time doesn’t pass there, but it does pass, at the same time. Everything is in a stasis, but that stasis moves. And that moving stasis is terrible, Cecil. Never feeling hungry, or tired, or thirsty, and walking in circles in a desert that never changes in the slightest while also far, far away from everyone you love in care for is a very painful experience. I tried to understand the desert otherworld better, and tried to figure out why it existed, and where it existed. I think it is part of the reason I called so much, Cecil, at least on your end. You didn’t know, but months would go by where I would not talk to you because I was trying to figure out what caused that place to operate the way it did. But when you picked up, I found only a day had gone by for you. When you said you wanted space, and I knew that to you, we must have been talking every night, and not once every few weeks. I think that is another reason I felt telling you how time worked for me. I wanted to give you space, because you needed it, and because I know you felt it would be good for you, and I knew it would be good for you. But I wanted to tell you how long I was there because I wanted you to know, Ceece. It was difficult not telling you the reason I sometimes wake up still thinking I’m there, still thinking he’s there. He um, he wasn’t there the whole ten years, Cecil. But he was still there for a while. Maybe...the last three years? A-and during that time, I thought...I suppose I thought I was happy, when I was not. It started to get terrible the year I finally came back to Night Vale, Cecil. It became...abhorrent. He just became...Cecil, he became cruel. Charles Darwin said once, while documenting getting chased mob of angry marine iguanas, that when faced with a very ugly evil, the necessity of escaping allows for the easiest escape of all. I missed you so much, and...and I could not take it anymore. I had to come home. To you. And be away from that awful otherworld, and be away from him. I...wanted to come home again, more than anything, even more than I wanted to investigate the desert otherworld. I wanted to be with _you_ again, because that...that's what home is, Cecil. I could not spend another weird second there. Every passing second reminded me of how I was away from a person that I felt safe and loved and had a family in, and I wanted to be with that person again.”

Cecil had been very quiet while Carlos was talking. He just looked at Carlos with a gentle, somber expression.

“Ten years.”

“Yeah.”

“Carlos. I am so, so sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.”

“But if I’d just known--”

“Cecil,” said Carlos, more sharply than he meant to, “you knew what you needed. I wanted to respect that. Metamorphic rocks change with heat and pressure. Without any kind of force applied, they will stay the same. That is true for people too, in the sense that they stay the same unless they apply some kind of change that will help them grow. I did not say anything because you had so much going on then, and the last thing I wanted was to add more difficulty to your life at that time. If anything, Cecil, I need to apologize. I...I am so, so sorry. Sorry does not even come close to describing the amount of remorse I have. I wish I could have found a way home earlier, but it took so much time to find one. Cecil, I’m so sorry, for everything...I feel--no, I am--terrible, Cecil. All the things I did a few months ago trying to protect people from the desert otherworld, only endangering their lives, I...Cecil. I feel like a bad scientist, and a worse person. But I didn’t want you to worry about how I felt, about everything that happened with me, when you had so much going on...I don’t want to hurt people, Cecil, but I have, and you, Cecil, are the very last person I want to hurt because of me. I could not bring myself to tell you, but...I wanted to tell you so that you knew the truth about the situation.”

“Carlos,” Cecil said, feeling tears roll down his cheeks as he grabbed Carlos’ shoulders firmly, “Carlos, Carlos, _no_ . I promise, you aren’t terrible or selfish for any of that. It’s not your fault. And I guess...I guess it isn’t mine either. You’re right. All you’ve ever done is try helping me, and really everyone else in our little town. Carlos, you’re not a terrible scientist. You’re the best scientist I know. You’re honest, and selfless, and beautiful, and all the things the best scientist in the world should be. And I love you _so much_.”

Carlos rested his head on Cecil’s chest, and Cecil wrapped an arm around him, gently humming and giving an occasional “shhhh” and “it’s okay, it’s okay” when he felt Carlos beginning to cry again.

A few moments passed in silence occasionally broken by sobs and quiet affirmations, and then a few more. Despite everything, Carlos was home with him, real, breathing, and there. This man that he loved so much had been away for what was ten years, for him, and for all that time, always loved him, deeply, supported him, and never stopped trying to get back home to a man he loved with more intensity than his body could probably contain. In a way, Cecil was astounded. He didn’t know, for the life of him, how he could have run into someone wonderful in his lifetime. Lucky didn’t even describe how astounding it was that Cecil ever met Carlos. Cecil brought his lips to Carlos’, who had a similar train of thought to Cecil’s. Cecil had been so understanding. Understanding” didn’t even feel like an appropriate word. How Cecil had accepted Carlos’ boundaries on the matter, didn’t press, and let Carlos get into those issues at ease made Carlos overflow with passion for the eccentric man Carlos was so head-over-heels in love with.

Carlos spent a while with his head buried in Cecil’s chest, feeling that familiar presence, taking in that familiar scent, experiencing that same experience of what home was. Cecil gently rubbed Carlos’ back, patting it when he felt Carlos’ breathing level out. When he felt somewhat better, a question hit Carlos, and he looked at Cecil, curious.

“Cecil...how did you _know_? And, um, and for how long?”

“Carlos, starshine, I am a professional journalist highly trained in the discipline of objectively analyzing situations. I can seek out the objective truth of something as well as a moluccan cockatoo, or any other sort of animal used by professional detectives. I figured it out a couple months after you got back, when we talked about it more and more. You didn't seem to like you were comfortable saying that you had spent a year there. A lot of the time, you wouldn't say a year. You'd just say the time you were there. I thought...I thought that maybe it was more than a year.”

“Y-yeah but, I never told anyone about it until I told Nilanjana a few months ago. Excuse my nonspecific and nonscientific phrasing, but it can only work as an accurate measurement for weird time. It’s just that comparatively speaking, I hadn’t told anyone, at all, until very recently...I don’t know how you could have figured it out.”

“Well, admittedly, it wasn’t just journalistic expertise that led to that conclusion, Carlos. I also know you very well. I know that you don’t like being dishonest. That's really what made me think it might've been more than a year. But...well, I didn't want to press. Not if you weren't comfortable.”

“It's true, Ceece. I do not like being dishonest. I think that one of the most important parts of being a scientist is being truthful. If I make a habit of not being truthful, then I would not be a good scientist. And beyond that, Cecil, I do not think I would be a particularly good person, either.”

“I know,” said Cecil, “but that is why I love you so much. And why I think being dishonest just isn't something you can do.”

Carlos looked at Cecil, a little shocked.

“Really?”

“Well, yeah,” Cecil said this with a soft chuckle, “you do. A lot of the time, whenever you’re not completely being honest, you look sort of nervous and upset, and you want to move away from the subject. And, Carlos...that’s okay. You’re allowed to not want to talk about some things. I never asked because I figured it was something very personal and something that hurt. Something that you didn’t want to get too into. We’re two people, Carlos. There’s really upsetting things or difficult things we don’t want to get into because we know they might hurt someone else. It’s why I didn’t feel like asking about it, bunny. I thought...well, I thought if you wanted me to know the full extent of it, you’d tell me yourself. I don’t know everything, Carlos, but...you don’t need to if it’s too painful for you. I won’t think less of you for that. I understand. I love you and I--oof!”

Carlos hugged Cecil, suddenly, firmly. He put his arms around Carlos, feeling Carlos’ tearful breathing. He stroked his husband’s back, gently, before bringing his hands to the beautiful wavy locks that he had long ago fallen deeply in love with.

When Carlos finally pulled away, he looked up at Cecil, his eyes still wet and a soft smile on his face.

“Cecil?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you know that, scientifically speaking, according to science and scientific facts, that you are the most wonderful husband in the universe? I have charts, and graphs, all proving this fact that doesn’t really need proving because of how very clear it is, like how the sun rises and screams in the morning or how all spiderwolves have eight legs.”

“I do know that. Maybe because I am tied for first with the very brilliant man who figured that out.”

“Stoooooop.”

“You’ll still be an adorable snugglepuppy who radiates kindness and genuinely who is made of pure adorabilium.”

“Ceciiiiil. That isn’t a real element.”

“It should be, that’s totally what you’re made of.”

“I am made of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus, and a small percentage of other elements, Ceece. Just like everyone else who is biologically a human.”

“Maybe then, adorabilium is found somewhere else, like your soul.”

“That would make a lot of sense. Science has yet to develop a way to look at souls. Do you ever think about that, Cecil? About how there are things we do not know right now, but in time, we will be able to figure them out? There is so, so much we don’t know about everything, and we have only really discovered a very minute fraction of all the things that are discoverable. Things that may be seemingly impossible to discover now, we may discover in the future. That is one reason change is so, so important.”

“Yes! That’s part of why reporting is so much fun. A town you are a radio host in is always changing, always growing. There is always something to report on!”

“You’re so good at you’re job,” said Carlos, playfully grabbing Cecil’s nose, “you care so much about it.”

Cecil grabbed Carlos’ nose back.

“You too!”

They goofed around on the couch like that for a few minutes before Cecil’s noticed his phone had been going off for some time, reminding him get latkes ready for Hannukah _ages_ ago, a while before Abby, Steve, and Janice came over for dinner. When Cecil and Carlos both noticed, Cecil yelped, and they both scrambled up, and hurried into the kitchen. Though it was actually very difficult, they spent the entire time they were both cooking holding hands, so, so grateful that they could be with each other doing things like this every day of their lives.


End file.
